And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
