Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
