My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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