dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
