I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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