Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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