it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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