Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The Olympian is in my bed
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
