I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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