Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
