Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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