i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
