three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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