Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
