i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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