I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
