I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
