Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
