Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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