I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
