he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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