All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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