I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
