I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
