i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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