How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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