also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
