So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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