Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
