Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I want to fling myself into the sun
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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