I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
