the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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