she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
