I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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