you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
