i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
