before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
