Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
