none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
