i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
