The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize