4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
did i walk over a car last night?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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