Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
