when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
