I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The Olympian is in my bed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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