ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
