i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
