Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
