Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
