your parents love me but you hate me
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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