yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
