She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
