I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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