And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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