I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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