My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
