Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
