If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
