I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
