I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We have so much sex to catch up on
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
