theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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