I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
