She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
