I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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