i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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