i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize