He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My vagina is officially offended.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
