just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
