I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
