i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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